How Friends says “I love you”.
This is the cutest thing ever omgg
Nobody dreams when they blink.
so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!
here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:
disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.
sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.
so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—
here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:
- it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.
so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.
EXCEPT, OF COURSE:
- you have to pay for pay per view.
so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”
- AS A FAMILY.
and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.
"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"
as a reminder, a quick table survey:
- my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
- my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
- my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
- me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography
my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”
my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.
my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”
- WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?
"don’t expose my kid to that crap."
- MY KID
- TO THAT CRAP
"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room."
- I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
- IN THE LIVING ROOM
but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?
- are you fucking kidding
- i did not want to go to porn prison
the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:
- my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
- my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
- my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences
but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?
- are you fucking kidding
- this is the best thing i’ve ever done
I will never regret a single penny I have spent on this band, a single mile that has been traveled for them, a single hour of sleep that has been lost for them, or a single tear that has been shed over them. They are the reason I am who I am and there is never going to be anything that will make me regret making them such a big part of my life.
do you ever just discover a new band
and you listen to their song
and you can tell straight away
and you just sit there in complete silence as your entire soul shifts and your entire being begins to beat intune to the sudden new music and your entire world opens up to all the new emotions that you’re going to discover jjust by listning to another humans voice
How the hell are you supposed to know how much coffee is left if the cup isn’t see through ???
When I used to think about Voldemort’s horcruxes I imagined a soul divided in equal portions residing in the different horcruxes and Voldemort himself. I realised that this can’t be true in The Half-Blood Prince Slughorn describes making a horcrux as splitting ones soul in two. This means that when Riddle made his Diary into a horcrux he split his soul in half and physically removed one half from his body and placed it in the diary. This means that he only had half of his soul left when he made his next horcrux, Marvolo’s ring. This half would have been split in half leaving only a quarter in Voldemort’s body. This goes on and on the amount of soul remaining in Voldemort halving each time he makes a horcrux until he had only 1/128 or 0.78125% left in his body. As shown in the graph above. So next time you wonder why Voldemort could have done some of things he did, remember how little human he had left in him. I don’t know about you but I think that this is crazy.
Come on guys, I didn’t do maths for 14 notes
#OKAY BUT CAN WE PLEASE TAKE A MINUTE TO APPRECIATE#THE OTHER THING THIS GRAPH THROWS INTO SHARP RELIEF:#THE FACT THAT FUCKING GINNY#HAD *HALF OF VOLDEMORT’S SOUL*#WHISPERING IN HER EAR AND CRAWLING INSIDE OF HER AND TRYING TO CONSUME HER FROM THE INSIDE OUT#YEAH#LIKE COOL HARRY HAS A SCAR AND CAN TALK TO SNAKES AND SOMETIMES GETS HEADACHES#POOR BABY#MEANWHILE GINNY ‘DERIDED BY FANDOM’ WEASLEY#TAKES IN HALF OF THAT FUCKER’S SOUL#AND STILL CAME OUT ON TOP#who’s your hero now harry potter fandom#yeah that’s what i thought (via riversonglife)
Harry has more Voldemort in him than Voldemort